Dreams...

Okay, so here I am "wallowing in the pit of despair" (the kids are watching The Princess Bride and the Pit of Despair sounds like how I feel), and I am getting constant reminders that YHVH is with me and wants me to beat this spiritual depression sooner than later...lol I am amazed at His faithfulness, despite my falling into the enemies trap of depression almost every year. Why on earth would I feel this way, when I have the hope of YHVH in my life?! When I am constantly being miraculously provided for?! When we are entering this new season of hope called spring?! Why indeed?! oh let me tell you...but first let me share Yah's faithfulness. This week alone, a friend dropped by and gave me a cheerful yellow potted mum plant, my MIL gave me a $50 gift card for superstore (I needed a few groceries, some meds and gas for the car and we were out of money, but she didn't know that!!) in the mail was something from Red Cross soliciting for donations, but in with it were note cards to send to others to make their day brighter. I don't believe in coincidences!! He speaks to me all the time through the people around me! I really truly don't have a good reason to stay in this pit of despair, and even throughout the afternoon of writing this, a friend called to say "hi" and we chatted for an hour and a half!! Now I still need to deal with the enemy but when I look at Yah's faithfulness to me, it sure changes my attitude! I mistakenly allowed the enemy to speak words of discontentment into my life. The enemy spoke lies that I can't trust my Creator, the enemy planted disbelief in my mind, that our dreams are not from YHVH. You see, 10 yrs ago, a dream was planted into our lives. It was the dream of an acreage...the original dream was a spiritual retreat center (kind of a whole body retreat center) that had an indoor tropical pool area with a waterfall and everything, as well as a golf course and small motel/cabins area. Also having our own animals and garden for food (eating whole foods is important to us whether certified organic or not) and being very self-sufficient, while ministering spiritually to others and doing all this with others who share our dream. Yeah...pretty lofty dream eh? Our dream has morphed into something a little more attainable but apparently still out of reach. Our current dream is to simply live on a self-sustaining acreage...and that's it. Oh sure we would prefer a community living kind of atmosphere, but somehow along the way my trust in Yah has faltered and that dream seems to have fallen by the wayside...even though I would definitely welcome it. Now please understand what I mean by self-sufficiency...it is not us doing everything in our own strength and forgetting our Creator!!! It is us relying on our Creator to show us how to live in community, how to grow our own food that has not been messed with by man made junk and how to live set-apart from the gov't regulated grid. We have no intentions of hiding from the world, but desire to be a light to the world and create a refreshing atmosphere for others who desire to visit a very set-apart place from the mainstream city life...writing all this rekindles this dream...and I envision a joyful me, making soap with the kids or bread in a woodstove...oh yes, I romanticize my dreams often. Even when it seems the dream is dead. okay, so now you know the dream and a bit of why I'm in the "pit of despair"...now how do I get out?! It will be a fight. The enemy loves where I am right now. I do not, but the thing with depression is that it makes you too complacent/lazy to do anything about it. I'm pulling myself out, first by writing about it...and then by doing what I say. It may or may not be instant, I'm okay with a long battle, but I have to actually start fighting back. First step: make popcorn for the kids...it is after all, 2pm and no lunch has been made yet... Second step: read teaching unit 5 from A More Excellent Way and go through the 8 R's. Recognize what is affecting you (whether it's a spirit of fear or some other sin). Take responsibility for what you recognize. Repent to God for participating with what you recognize. You must make what you recognize your enemy and Renounce it. Remove it-get rid of it once and for all. When it tries to come back, Resist it. Rejoice-give God thanks for setting you free. Restore-help someone else get free. So that is what I am going to be doing on these last few days leading up to Passover. I'll be doing a lot of spiritual house cleaning, of recognizing of my sins, repenting, removing and rejoicing, as well as physical house cleaning...LOL