It is Spring in my Soul!!

So, after the last couple of months of winter blahs and realizing that I have addiction issues, I've come out of that dark season with a hunger for Yah and a strong desire to talk about Him and and His Word and live it out!

I have often suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as the winter blues...lol  Some years it hits worse than others. This year was worse than the previous years, not entirely sure why, but I have come through it with a deeper revelation about it. Sure a part of it is lack of sunlight (vit. D) and not much energy being spent, but a lot of it is due to my lack of trust in my Abba.

For some reason, I have trust issues, and often forget to lay my burdens at His feet, where they belong. This often leads to: struggling to get out of bed, struggling to be pleasant to family members, and last but not least, just being a very self-focused person.  I really don't like who I am when I'm like this. I don't think my Abba does either. And more than anything else, I want so much to please Him, just like any little girl wants to please her Daddy!

As for my addictions...thought you'd never ask! lol  I was on the verge of becoming an alcoholic. I was drinking almost a bottle of wine every night. Goodness that's expensive! Looking back, I don't know why I was drinking that much. I didn't need help to get to sleep, I wasn't trying to drown out emotional pain or anything like that. So why? I still don't fully know why, except that addictions are linked to a lack of trusting in our Creator. I'm not entirely sure how to fix this yet, because once I stopped the alcohol flow into the house, Facebook and Christian novels became the new addiction. sigh...so because it's simply an addiction issue I have and not necessarily an alcoholic problem, I do allow myself to have wine for the Sabbath, but keep it out of the house during the week. I have deactivated Facebook for a variety of reasons and the Christian fiction is not an issue anymore as I just don't have the time to read as much.

So, that's what I've been dealing with in the last couple of months. Now for the cool stuff!!  Jamie and I had bought a little vacation shortly after Sukkot and we had until last month to use it. So we parceled out the children and took off to Banff for a 2 night stay! It was glorious Although, we were going on very little money and I was feeling horrible that we wouldn't be able to buy gifts for the children...we don't celebrate Christmas or birthdays so, it's kind of hard to figure out when to give them...we do love to just surprise them!!!!  Well, I checked our bank account while we were there and low and behold we received some back-payment from the gov't!!! So we were able to treat the kids after all!! That does wonders for this mama's heart! I love to give gifts to the kids and see the delight on their faces!

Also, as I'd been realizing that during the depression, I needed to lean on Yah instead of wine...I stopped drinking wine just before Hanukkah...then the depression hit hard. I was a mess...not like an emotional mess, just kinda absent mentally. I asked my Shabbat group to pray for me, and they did! It meant a lot to me. Someone came to me a few weeks later and shared a word from Yah, well that was huge and hit home. She said the depression would leave, once I gave my worries over to Him. Well, duhhh, I knew that...lol  But I certainly wasn't doing it!! So I repented of that and started talking to Him more on my own, keeping an ongoing dialogue throughout the day like I used to. 

So here I am today. I feel like "my" winter is over, despite what the temperature tells me it is outside. It is springtime inside my soul!!! I feel new all over again, and THAT is a great place to be!!